It turned out that Ren had no idea how "having coffee" worked. When I asked her what kind of coffee she wanted at the shop near campus, she blankly stared down at me.

"What's the matter?"

"I was unaware that there are different kinds of coffee. I have never experienced a coffee before."

Luckily, this wasn't my first time in a coffee shop. I ordered two gingerbread mochas (this seemed like a safe enough bet, even if she might not like coffee) and made my way to where Ren sat in the deserted dining area.

"Here you go. I got you something that should be palatable even if coffee isn't your thing. I mean, I can drink it, so it can't be too bad, right?"

"Thank you for your assistance. I am sure that it will be sufficient."

Before I could warn her to let the boiling hot coffee cool a bit, she had downed the entire cup.

"Ren! Are you okay? Did you burn yourself?"

"That was much different from anything I have previously experienced. And I am unharmed. However, your concern is… appreciated."

"Well, you did say you'd never had coffee before."

"Not the liquid itself. The sensations it produced. I believe this is what is called 'flavor', yes?"

I was stunned. This was the first time she had asked me a question, and the first time she had seemed… almost vulnerable.

"Have… have you never eaten anything?"

"No. It is unnecessary for me to do so."

"So, uh… how was it?"

"It was… pleasurable. Not as much as the mating ritual we previously-"

"Okay, okay, let's not talk about that in public."

Ren looked around the room quickly, her green eyes seeming to… almost glow in the dimly lit coffee shop as she did.

"There is no one in this building except the person who prepared the coffee, and they are on their phone. Further, there are no other people within 300 feet of the building. The closest person is currently searching the refuse receptacle at the nearby intersection approximately 500 feet away."

"…how can you possibly know all that?"

"My senses are many orders of magnitude more powerful than yours. In addition, I am capable of seeing through solid objects with trivial effort."

Even with everything I had experienced so far, this seemed to be beyond anything I could make sense of. I quickly reminded myself that a scientist must keep an open mind and devised a simple test.

"Okay, then, will you humor me for a quick experiment?"

"If that is your desire."

"Alright, I'm going to put my hand behind my back and hold out some fingers. I want you to tell me how many I'm holding out as quickly as you can. Sound good?"

"This test seems adequate."

"Okay, then, here we go."

I began holding out various numbers of fingers between my back and the booth seat, rapidly changing them to try to prevent any sort of guess-based success. Ren stared at where my hand was, eyes slightly glowing again.

"Four, three, five, one, zero, five, two, four, two, one, five, three, four, zero-"

"Okay, okay, I believe you… wait a minute. Did you use that to cheat on my exams?"

"No. I also have perfect recall of every piece of information and sensory experience to which I have been exposed."

"That must come in handy."

"It is quite useful, yes."

At this point, my coffee had cooled enough for me to drink, so I took a swallow and endeavored to change the subject to more of a "first date" line of discussion.

"So, where are you from?"

Ren, for the first time, looked down at her hands, a slight frown forming on her normally stoic face.

Oh no, I made her sad! What do I do?

"I am… unsure of my origins. The first thing I can recall is rapidly entering the atmosphere of this planet head first one hundred seventy-four of your days ago."

This was shocking to me. Perfect recall, yet she couldn't remember where she was from? If I hadn't been womanhandled so easily earlier in the evening, I would have thought this was all an elaborate prank.

"I'm so sorry. I- I didn't know."

"Thank you for your concern. However, it is no fault of yours."

"Where did you land?"

"I landed in the Pacific Ocean quite close to the equator. There is a small tropical island nearby where I landed. That was the first place I set foot upon your planet."

"…okay, I have so many questions. Where are you living now?"

"I am using that small island as my primary domicile."

"How did you end up in a small college town?"

"I felt this town would allow me to learn how to function as a human female without attracting unwanted attention."

"Did you have to learn English after you got here?"

"Yes. I am currently capable of speaking seventeen languages. English is my most recent linguistic acquisition."

Well, that explains her odd speech patterns.

"What do you plan to do here on Earth?"

"Now that I have found you, my goal is to be with you as much as is possible."

"Wait, hold on… are you saying that you're… in love… with me? Actually, no, let's skip that whole thing for now. How were you able to pay for college classes?"

"Once I learned about capitalism and the human desire for gold, I also became aware of a large asteroid that was on a collision trajectory with the planet. As it happens, the asteroid had a sizable gold core. I simply hollowed out the asteroid of its core, destroyed the rest of the asteroid, then brought the gold back to the island. I then procured clothing so as to blend in, and began selling off pieces of the core at various shops which offer paper currency for gold. I have made sales in thirty-seven different cities this far, each time selling one pound of gold."

"…whoa… wait, so you're the reason the asteroid NASA was warning might hit the Earth just… disappeared?"

"Yes."

I retrieved my trusty calculator from my bag and ran some numbers after looking up the current price of gold.

"And you've made… hold on… conservative estimate… almost a million dollars selling off the core!?"

"I currently have eight hundred thirty seven thousand-"

"Okay, better not to spread that kind of information around. You wouldn't want to… get… robbed… never mind. How much of the core is left?"

"I would estimate several thousand tons of gold remain. I have placed it on the ocean floor near the island. Should I require more money, I will simply continue my current plan as needed."

I was in shock. Ren was not only blatantly superhuman, but she was the single largest owner of gold in the world, and she found me "irresistible"? This has to be a prank of some-

"HANDS UP! This is a robbery!"

What.

Ren and I exchanged a glance before I turned to see what was happening. A man in all black clothing and a ski mask had a gun pointed at the poor barista. In retrospect, this robbery, while awful, did make some level of sense. Finals week had to be one of the most lucrative for this coffee shop, and there's a chance that the money hadn't been taken to the bank yet, so this could work out well for-

"Do you wish for me to stop him?"

Oh, right, Ren!

"You'll get hurt. Better to stay calm and not anger the man with the gun."

"He could not possibly hurt me. Do you wish for me to stop him?"

"I… are you sure?"

"HEY! Yous two lovebirds! Gimme your wallets!"

Crap, we've been spotted.

"No. You will leave this establishment now, or I will make you leave."

Ren! What are you doing!?

I'm quite sure that the robber couldn't see how big Ren was before, but when she stood up to her over seven-foot height, muscles bulging and rippling all over her body, the robber took a step back.

"Hey! Don't- don't try nothing funny, or you and your boyfriend are toast!"

"You dare threaten him? Then you have made my choice much simpler."

Suddenly, Ren was standing in front of the would-be robber, glaring down at him. The robber, clearly panicking, screamed and began firing his gun. All I could see were six puffs of smoke and Ren's hands moving in a blur. She then took a step towards the robber, leaving him in arm's reach. Her left hand flashed out, grabbing the revolver away from him and sliding it towards me. Her right grabbed his wrist, wrenched his hand forward, and held it there. The robber screeched in pain like his arm was being ripped off, and he fell to his knees. She then reached into her cleavage with her left, pulled something out, and dropped it into the robber's hand. Ren walked slowly back to the table, picked up the revolver, and motioned for me to follow her. Dumbfounded, I obeyed her request.

"What shall I do with him? He threatened your safety. His fate is in your hands."

I looked at the trembling barista, who was on the phone calling the police. I knew the nearest station was on the other side of campus, so they would be a few minutes in getting here.

"Can you restrain him somehow until the police show up?"

"Of course."

Ren then calmly walked to the shop door and ripped the push bar off the inside as though it was made of Styrofoam. She then returned to the robber and, seemingly without effort, bent the bar around his wrists and ankles, effectively hog-tying the man and most likely breaking several more bones. She then placed the revolver on the ground a small distance away from him, since he was no longer capable of holding or firing it.

"I doubt he will attempt to escape now. Are you sure that you do not wish for me to kill him?"

"No! No, no, that definitely won't be necessary."

At that point, headlights flicked on in the parking lot, and we heard a car engine revving. The robber had a getaway driver waiting, and given the approaching sirens, he had clearly decided to bail. He peeled out of the parking lot and gunned it away from campus. Ren disappeared again and reappeared in the road outside, the bell on the shop door violently jangling. I ran outside to see what she was going to do.

When I got nearer to Ren, she had her hands on her hips in quite a powerful pose, and seemed to be… inhaling? Her chest, already far beyond anything outside of adult film, was expanding even further, creating large tears in her already overtaxed halter top. Tree limbs were being bent towards us, and the getaway car was stopped in its tracks. Not that it wasn't trying to move, mind you. The rear wheels were spinning so fast that the tires were smoking, and yet the car was at a standstill. Finally, both rear tires blew out from being pushed way past factory expectations, and the car engine blew from the excessive revs. At this point, the police were closing in on the getaway driver's car, and in order to not draw too much attention, I ushered Ren back inside.

As we walked in, the barista stared at Ren in awe. I walked over, gestured towards Ren, made a shushing motion, then raised one eyebrow. The barista looked at Ren, then at me, and nodded. We had an understanding.

The police were shocked, to say the least. They had been after these two for several weeks now, but the… rather dramatic way in which they were caught certainly raised eyebrows. Even without the evidence from this incident, they were still on the hook for three other robberies, so they were going away for a good while. The police seemed to understand that something strange had happened, but given our lack of clarity on the specifics, they chalked everything up to adrenaline and let us go. As we left, I heard the police calling for an ambulance for the robber and the Jaws of Life to undo Ren's handiwork.

As Ren and I walked back towards campus, I stopped, two questions still stuck in my mind.

"Hey, Ren, where are you going to stay tonight? Because, um… you could stay at my place if you wanted."

A small smile crossed Ren's face.

God, she's incredible.

"That would be most acceptable. Thank you."

"Also, what did you put in that robber's hand?"

"I simply returned his bullets to him."